When It's All About Them
It starts out all about “me.” My wet diaper, my need for sleep, my cries of hunger, my swaddle’s comfort … every. single. thing. is about me.
But it’s not long before “me” starts to take second place to “them” and their needs, wants, and expectations. No longer do my squawks merit immediate attention. No longer do I get exactly what I want. The shift from “me” to “them” is quick, and sometimes brutal. (Reference the toddler throwing a fit in the grocery aisle!)
Then we encounter teachers who expect assignments done on time, bosses who set job requirements, neighbors who need a helping hand, kids who want supper now, friends crashing in a crisis, parents who can’t figure out their computers, or grandkids in need of a babysitter. And we wonder, “What about me?”
In a world dominated by themes of self-care and persistent reminders to “take time for yourself,” it’s far easier, and much trendier, to push back against others and tend to myself. After all, didn’t Jesus say to “love your neighbor as yourself”?
Jesus quoted the greatest commandment from the Old Testament law: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Isn’t that a reminder to ensure my well-being first? Me first and them later? Hmmmm.
Scripture has a lot to say about putting the needs of others before our own, but it doesn’t speak to self-care much at all. However, the apostle Paul taught the early Christians in Galatia about the need to carry each other’s burdens, and then, just a verse or two further along in Galatians 6, Paul wrote that each one should carry their own load.
This me vs. them thing seems a bit complicated. And unfortunately, the English language fails us when Paul’s words get translated. In Greek (the language Paul used), there’s a word for a burden that means a load too heavy to bear alone and there’s another word for a load we can manage on our own. English uses the same word, burden, for both. In other words, Paul said we should carry the burdens (our “stuff”) that are within our own capabilities (i.e., take care of me), and we should help others carry the burdens (their “stuff”) that are beyond their own strength and abilities (i.e., take care of them).
Burdens come in many forms: a child’s need to be bathed and fed, a parent’s need for transportation, a friend’s need to have someone watch her kids, a neighbor’s health crisis, my husband’s need to be away on business, my need to take a shower, my need to regroup or recharge.
In day-to-day living, it all needs to work together. It’s about me loving myself so that I can have enough energy to help others. It’s about me seeing a need and helping meet it when my friend, neighbor, spouse, child, sibling, parent, or even a stranger cannot carry the load alone.
It’s about taking time to walk with the Lord humbly and consistently so he can infuse me with the strength I need to carry the burdens of this life. It’s about finding balance over the course of time (because sometimes life’s burdens – mine and others’ – get and stay off balance for a season).
It’s about being in tune with the Lord so we can – and want to – help each other with the stuff of life. We bear our burdens together and encourage one another daily.
I was taught at a young age how my name is a good acronym for living. J-O-Y: Jesus first, others second, and yourself last. Some days I live life more like YO-J or OY-J, but the truth of a world turned upside down is that when the J comes first, the joy of the Lord will be my strength, and then, the O will fall into place.
Even when it seems like it’s all about them.
Let’s memorize this verse together:
“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up” (Galatians 6:9).