Forgetting the Past
We had an interesting conversation in my ABF a few weeks ago. We were talking about regrets from our past. Things we wish we had done differently; something we wished we could go back and fix. Honestly, there are regrets that come back to me from decades ago. Can you relate?
Why can’t those things be put in the past and stay there? I have confessed those sins; forgiven those people and I know in my head that I’m forgiven but they still “haunt” me. Is it the Enemy who continues to accuse me? Maybe. I’ve rebuked those thoughts, taken them captive to the Lord, etc. I know that I’m not perfect, so it should not be surprising that I sin and don’t do everything perfectly.
Studies suggest that unresolved experiences tend to stay with us more vividly than completed ones. Our minds often turn to what feels unfinished – especially our failures. This is why it can feel so much easier to remember what we did wrong than what we did well.
A while back, a relationship that I had became estranged. And if I had known what caused it – I would have at least attempted a reconciliation of some sort. But this person just left and it felt unresolved for years. I felt rejected, angry, puzzled, hurt. And it would play over and over in my mind. Not every day, mind you, but it would come back occasionally. Finally, after years of that – I wrote that person a letter- saying I was sorry if there was something on my part that caused some pain, that they had been a valued part of my life, and I was sorry they left. I wasn’t sure that the person would respond, and, indeed, they never did. But I felt like I had done what I could. It has been put in the past and it doesn’t have the sting in it anymore.
Some failures can’t be fixed, but I can learn from them. There’s one choice I made during the last years of my mom’s life that I would have made differently now. I wish I had known better, but I can’t go back and fix it – yet I will not make that same choice again. I know better now. So, if we learn from our perceived failures – that’s a positive we can take moving forward.
This struggle with unresolved memories is part of living in a fallen world. At times, it may be used to stir doubt or discouragement, but it can also gently remind us of our deep need for grace. In Philippians 3 Paul reflects honestly on his past, both his accomplishments and his failures – and then points us forward. He reminds us that our righteousness comes through faith in Christ, not through perfection and he encourages us to forget what lies behind and press on toward what is ahead.
So – when regrets and disappoints from the past come back to plague you – to cause anxiety, shame, or just occupy your mind with what if’s – make amends if you can, confess your sin (if you haven’t already) - and then use those moments to remember that Jesus hung on the cross for those sins, and you and I are forgiven and loved. Walk by faith – remember that there’s nothing you did or could do to earn your salvation. Press on to follow Jesus more perfectly every step of the way. Turn those moments of regret into moments of praise and thanksgiving for God’s unconditional love, sovereignty and wisdom to take care of what we can’t fix.
“Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus is calling us.” Philippians 3:13b